I’m feeling a bit hopeless
What am I supposed to do now?
Yesterday I still had a mission:
saving humanity from extinction
But today most of humanity is jabbed
The big dying has started
And I only see complacency and denial

What if there is nothing left for me to do?
Then my life is pretty pointless, isn’t it?

Even waking up in the morning is an effort these days
Stepping into this reality
Doing the same ritual over and over again
Taking a shower
Brushing teeth
Putting clothes on
Making coffee
Opening my computer
Checking my mail
Going for a walk
Connecting with people
It all has become so futile

There is no drive
There is no hope
There is no ideal
There is no ambition
Been there, done that
Tried it all
Now it feels as if it’s too late
What if my life is pointless?

I am so tired of the sugar coating
of the new age community
Saying that everything is as it should be
That’s the last thing I feel!
Everything is the opposite
of how it should be
We are being poisoned by our doctors
We are being murdered for profit
Murdered for power
Murdered for pleasure
I just can’t come to terms with that
I can’t come to terms with the fact that I am in the midst of an invisible genocide

How can I pretend that anything else matters?
How can I have fun?
How can I talk about anything else?
Why would the orchestra keep playing on the Titanic?

I know, in a way it’s nothing new
The enslavement of human kind has been going on for 2000 years or more
But now, I don’t even know what’s real anymore
I don’t even know whether my thoughts are mine
Or induced by artificial radiation
and frequencies

Should I strive to survive?
Should I find a place on earth
where I can escape the jab?
Where I can escape AI?
Where I can avoid the CBDC?
Where I can escape the technocratic control
of every step I take?
Why would I want to do that?
I see no future either way

Still … all the little things
The squirrels outside
The birds
Coffee
Mango juice
Sunlight on my face
These little things give me pleasure
They still witness of the blueprint of this earth
Of nature
Of beauty
Of perfection
Of evolution
The intricate wonder of life
Not everything has gone wrong

Maybe that’s it
Maybe that’s all there is
Maybe all the rest was illusion
The wanting to save the world
Feeling special
Striving to understand this reality
Discovering my place in the universe
Finding out how my body works
How my mind works
What my potential is
What humanity is

Even my dreams are dissipating
Dreams of traveling the world
Finding the one
Becoming a well known writer
Writing a master piece
Finding my tribe
Living in a community
Dreams of joy and happiness
Dreams of real change
Dreams of peace
Dreams of creation
Dreams of liberation
Dreams of freedom for everyone
They have lost their appeal
Why?

It’s not that I don’t believe in them anymore
It goes much deeper than that
It is the sense of being tired of the self itself
My self-interest has gone
I feel utterly unimportant
An in a way that liberates me
of a heavy sense of duty and responsibility
But on the other hand
It leaves a void
An abyss of meaninglessness
Like Salieri, who cursed God
because He created him mediocre
and Mozart sublime
I can understand that
Mediocrity is the worst

Even my biggest dream
finding the truth
Has lost its magic
Finding the truth
What does that even mean?
Finding the right method
Finding the right teacher?
Right now, I have no method
I have no teacher

I no longer have examples
People to look up to
People to admire
People who reflect who I want to be
What I want to become
What I want to achieve in life
That has gone, too

Maybe they have already succeeded
to suck out my soul
Maybe that’s why I feel so empty
I mean, how would one notice
when the soul has gone?
The personality is still there
The body is still there
The habitual thinking, feeling and acting
Still there
The automatic pilot
Still generating energy
Still eating and breathing
The heart still beating
The body functioning by itself
Doesn’t need me for that
And apparently the mind
also functions by itself
Doesn’t need me for that either
There is this memory bank
And based on everything it has stored
I function quite normal
This is the system
that I usually identify with
But now I’m not so sure anymore
Whether that ‘I’ is real

It’s nice to have a strong identity
I wish I had one
People with strong identities
reach something
Like Charles Bukowski
Or Vandana Shiva
They have chosen an identity
A path
They identify as a drunk
Or a writer
Or an activist for human rights
But I don’t really identify as anything

Well, that sucks
Now what?

Sanne Burger
sanneburger.com