‘I was born a complete soul. I remember how that feels. I knew where I came from, I was fully connected to Source and I felt safe, protected, secure, happy, content, clear, strong, focused and confident because of that. I knew I was merely a visitor on this planet; observing, witnessing this realm of reality, with a continuous dialogue with where I came from, which was absolute and instant in its wisdom, compassion, love, care, non-judgment, clarity, sharpness, wit and discernment. It was just a given for me to have access to this. I never thought about it or questioned it. To have this connection was more natural for me than having a physical body. I was confused when I discovered this connection to Source was a rare thing here, especially among adults. At first, I thought everybody had it. I actually still think everybody has it. We only forget.
I never really lost my connection to Source, but already at an early age I became shyer to express it, as many people seemed to be offended when I shared what I perceived. ‘Who do you think you are?’ they would ask. I had no idea, so I tried to shut up – something which I am still not very good at. Being older now, I realize what a blessing it is to be able to lean into Source. To not be dependent on other people in order to know what is real or not. To not be dependent on any belief system, any religious, political or scientific interpretation of reality, but to have a direct reference. Knowing that I come from love and will go back to love, no matter what, makes life so much easier. I still wonder why we as human beings seem to have forgotten this on such a large scale.
Throughout my life I’ve learned how certain circumstances can break the spirit, crush the connection and can leave a soul feeling totally devastated, lonely and separated from Source. It happened to me, several times. It’s called suffering. What a horrible state to be in. When I entered puberty and started to engage in the world, I was devastated with the state of affairs. The transformation from being a tomboy girl into a woman with curves didn’t make things easier. That was the first time. I was lucky to discover astrology at the age of 12 and find an interpretation of reality – and myself – that satisfied me. Being a 5 double Scorpio with a prominent 12th House explained a lot. Also, discovering the books of Osho in the library was a life-saving event. Ten years later I went to Poona to see him, but I never became a sannyasin. It was not my path.
I have always been blessed with the right teacher crossing my path at the right time. I studied astrology with several amazing teachers and thought I had found my mission. Ten years later I realized something essential was missing here: the incorporation of consciousness within the physical body. All my astrologer friends were smoking, living of coffee and wine and in their heads. Many of them were older and I saw where this was going: downhill. I had a powerful vision of growing old healthy and strong, so I started to study massage and Qigong, again with excellent teachers. My astrology books I ritually threw into the bin. (What a shame, I still regret that! Imagine, I had all the books of Mellie Uyldert!)
Ancient Thai Massage, Qigong, sexuality and Taotraining
Rahul Bharti in Kathmandu initiated me into the ancient healing art of Ancient Thai Massage. Li Jun Feng taught me the basics of Qigong. Jacques Balavoine, a Frenchman living in Norway, taught me the basics of meditation, massage and therapeutic work. Through Barry Long, Osho, David Deida and many other tantric, spiritual teachers I gained insight into sexuality and its relationship to health, happiness and spiritual growth. As a 5 double Scorpio, sexuality has always been one of my favorite topics, as well as shadow work and trauma release. In the past 20 years I have intensively studied the Taoist system of healing and the transformation of sexual energy, also called Healing Tao or Taotraining, with Reinoud Eleveld. All this, and more, forms the foundation of my work as a healer, coach and teacher.
Besides giving individual Ancient Thai Massage sessions and courses in Ancient Thai Massage, Taotraining and Qigong, writing is an important tool for me to express myself as well. Sometimes I feel like a writer, doing other stuff for fun. Sometimes I feel like a healer, doing some writing on the side. Sometimes I feel like a teacher, pretending to be a writer or a healer. I don’t know. I guess who or what I am is rather fluctuating. Must be my horoscope. Who cares, anyway. Eventually the writing, healing and teaching is all merging together in one vibration, one muse, and that’s who I am right now.
Other things I love: Being a mother. Only when I gave birth to my son and daughter, I really understood what it meant to incarnate on this planet, take it on, relax into it and actually enjoy it. Traveling. Besides in my home country the Netherlands, I lived in Israel, Norway, France, Peru and now in Spain. I traveled to many countries. I have experienced that traveling is one of the fastest ways to mature as a person, to broaden ones perspective and to develop ones love for humanity and Mother Earth. Plant medicine. In Peru I worked with wachuma (San Pedro) and ayahuasca, after having quite some experience with magic mushrooms and other psychedelics in other countries. It opened my heart to a degree I didn’t even know existed. It humbled me, softened me and healed me in ways I guess I will never be able to describe. Dancing. It’s because of my puppy fat as a teenager that I didn’t become a dancer. I was too ashamed of my body. Ecstatic Dance, Trance Dance and other forms of dancing, where the soul can move freely and express itself through movement… it’s spontaneous Qigong.
At this moment in time, December 2019, I live in a beautiful finca in Andalucia, Spain. I live next to the Guadiana river and am surrounded by a splendid nature. I take care of a whole bunch of animals, have oceans of time to write and spend a lot of time in solitude. Once every three months or so I travel to Holland to give massages in Utrecht. I can say from the bottom of my heart that I am truly happy with my life. Every day I muze this place in Spain. It’s magic!
Check the event page on this website to book a session when I am in Holland. In the year to come, 2020, my intention is to organize several courses as well, both in Holland and London. Stay tuned! Sign up for the newsletter if you want to receive the latest news, or send me a private email: firstname.lastname@example.org.’
Sanne Burger @ sanneburger.com