There is a persistent misunderstanding in the spiritual world, which is that setting a boundary is similar to condemning. This suggests that it is a bad thing to distinguish between what you want and what you do not want, or with whom you want to be and with whom you do not want to be. It is as if we must accept everything and everyone, as if we must include and embrace everything, as if we must love everything and everyone, as if it is wrong to avoid rot, damage, poison, wounding, falsehood and other forms of destructiveness. It is as if you do not have the right as a human being to say: ‘I don’t like this, so I say no to it.’
In fact, you are absolutely entitled to be selective. In fact, it is your sacred duty. There is an overload of possibilities and options out there; there are so many different types of people, things you can do, different lifestyles you can live. You are free to make choices in all of these areas. In fact, it is impossible not to make choices and with every choice, you exclude things. That is inherent to making choices. It is not bad, it is just what it is. To make choices and hence exclude things, is natural and unavoidable. It is part of being human. The better that you become in making clear, solid choices, in saying yes to what you want, hence saying no to what you don’t want, the happier you will be. Your life will become more harmonious, you will feel more like you are in the right place and with the right people and you will be more comfortable in your own skin.
No, this is not the same as refusing to leave your comfort zone. This is a second misunderstanding. There is a distinct difference between staying in your comfort zone on the one hand and choosing for what makes you happy on the other hand. The former you do out of fear. The latter you do out of courage.
‘The greater power the wizard possesses, the narrower is the path he can walk.’
That means, the more conscious you become, the less options you will have, the less you will tend to make compromises, the less certain people and situations will suit you. You attune yourself with an ever increasing purity. You become more and more sensitive which makes every dissonance proportionally unbearable. It’s the same as with a professional musician, let’s say an accomplished violinist. Eventually, he will only be able to play on a Stradivarius because he is able to hear and feel that playing on another instrument is just not the same. Once you are conscious of the difference, it is just too painful choosing anything else but that which really aligns with you.
It is the same in life. Discernment, selectivity, the ability to make the right choices and to set clear boundaries is in fact, a sign of spiritual growth.