The other day I spoke to a girl who was in rage with her doctor, because he had refused her a hysterectomy.
‘Can you believe it?’ she fumed. ‘He says I’m too young! Another man, another ignorant bastard who thinks he has the right to decide over MY body! He has no idea how excruciating my period pains are. For years now! If he’d only know, if he had to go through ONCE what I have to go through every month, he’d schedule an appointment for me right away!’

She was 22. I didn’t believe a female doctor would have granted her a hysterectomy either, but I didn’t say that. She reminded me of another friend, who after giving birth to her two kids considered having her womb removed, ‘just to be sure’. What she meant was that a few women in her family had developed cervical cancer and she wanted to avoid the risk of getting it too.
‘And it would save me the hassle of my monthly cramps too’, she said cheerfully. ‘Who needs a womb anyway, after delivering a few kids?’

The girl continued her rant.
‘What do we need a womb for, besides popping out babies? I don’t even WANT babies! And WHY does it hurt when we bleed? Why does it hurt so much we just want to die?’
I hesitated, but then I decided to give it a shot.
I asked her: ‘Do you really want to know? It might not be what you want to hear.’
There was a gravity in my voice that made her pause.
She looked at me, gauging, and then she said: ‘Sure. Go ahead.’

I took a deep breath. Where to start? I decided to just go straight for it.
‘Your womb is the Holy Grail’ I said.
She gave me a look that held the middle between a frown and a smile. Just enough to continue.
‘Your womb is the cradle where your deepest feminine wisdom, power and joy resides. Your womb is your essence, your source, your true nature. Your womb is the place from which you dream, create, feel and express yourself. Does your womb hurt? Then YOU hurt.’

I paused for a bit, looking for words.
‘Go on’, she said.
She’d already grown impatient. A good sign! She wanted to know more.
‘Your womb has needs – they are YOUR needs. If you take care of those needs, your womb will be happy. If you don’t take care of those needs, your womb will be unhappy and she will let you know through PAIN. Do you know what the ancient healers of old times – we call them witches now – called a womb that bleeds a lot?’
She shook her head.

‘A crying womb’ I said. ‘The womb has deep, profound emotions. You better listen to them.’
She had gone absolutely quiet, with a thoughtful, almost peaceful look on her face. What a change from that screaming, enraged girl just a few minutes ago. I continued.

‘The womb has 4 basic needs. Here they are:

1. She needs sexual satisfaction. The easiest way to acquire this is through a skilled lover. Good sex, deep penetration by a penis the right size by a conscious, loving man and regular orgasms satisfy the womb and put her at ease. It will make her joyful and lighthearted.’
   She looked at me, first in surprise, but then she laughed. It was a good, hearty laugh, so I continued.
   ‘An absent or insufficient sex life, constant premature ejaculation by the man or an inability to orgasm fully and often create tension in the womb that can easily result in menstruation cramps as well as crankiness and malice towards men and life in general. She will totally loose her sense of humor too.’

‘Sounds familiar’, she said dryly and we both giggled.

2. She needs to be creative. To deny a woman her freedom to create, her need to express herself in any way she chooses, has a direct effect on the womb. Having children is a great joy for the womb, but it’s not enough and it’s not the only way. She also wants to dance, sing, shout, move and surprise. She’s hungry for experience, for adventure. A lack of creativity or the freedom to express herself results in a stagnation of energy in the womb that will create tension and period pains as well as depression and resentment.
‘I knew that!’, she said.

3. She needs to take care of something. She needs to nurture. The womb is directly connected to Mother Earth, who takes care of everything that lives. In the same way the womb wants to care for anything that lives. This can be children, animals, plants or other living beings. She might feel an urge to take care of the sick, or to take care of a place, a project, a task. A woman who is deprived of her need to nurture can easily develop heavy period pains as well as feelings of loneliness and despair.’
‘True that’, the girl said. ‘Cuddling with my dog always helps when I’m having cramps.’

4. She needs to be heard. The womb is wise. She is a voice to be reckoned with. She knows what she wants, her intuition is always spot on. When it comes to lovers or the act of making love she wants you to listen to her. In detail. Making love with the wrong person or in the wrong way will make her furious. But there’s more to it. The profound wisdom of the womb is not only needed in bed, but everywhere in the world, also when it comes to education, politics, science and culture. Clearly, if you don’t listen to your womb or OTHERS don’t listen, the womb will become very agitated and easily develop intense cramps that feel like something is terribly wrong – which is true.’

‘Oh no’, she said. ‘I thought you were going to tell me to drink chamomile tea at night, or walk around the linden tree three times during the full moon.’
‘It’s true that herbs, diet and exercise are super important to heal period pains as well’, I said. ‘They can be of great help in addition to healing the emotional pain, as well as massage. When you tune into point 4 you will learn a lot about that. We can talk about it some other time if you like.’
‘So how do I apply what you just told me?’ she asked. She looked eager and alive. It made me happy to see her glow with new hope and trust.

‘As a start, ask yourself these questions’, I said.

1. Am I satisfied with my sex life? And if not, how can I change it?
2. Do I have enough space to be creative and express myself in my life? And if not, how can I change that?
3. Is my need to nurture satisfied? And if not, how can I change that?
4. Am I being heard? And if not, how can I be heard more, first of all by myself?

‘Bummer’ she said. ‘So I can’t blame my boyfriend? Or not even my doctor?’
We both laughed. At least there was nothing wrong with her sense of humor!
‘Too bad’ I said. ‘But on the other hand: how amazing it is that the solution to healing our pain is found within.’
‘True that’, she said and gave me a big hug.
‘Thanks for cheering me up’, she said with a twinkle in her eye. ‘I let you know how it went next time!’